2003-07-01

gravity
seeing his face last night again. that boy. why did i have to be so scared-so stupid last summer when i liked him and he liked me? why did i have to put on an act and pretend that the love i felt was because he was my best friend? ooo.

and why does he have to hug me so tightly? and hold the sides of my face and pet my hair when he's talking to me? why, after a hug, does he stay so close? why does he leave his face inches from mine, waiting for me to kiss him. if he isn't careful, i just might do it one day.

i know he's in love with patella. so why does he still act so strangely around me? and say that he still wants to move out with me, even though it didn't work out for this summer, he still wants it to happen. is he really in love with her? or is it that he loves me too? can you be for real in love with two people at the same time and not be scum? i want to be better for him than patella is. i want to feel his scratchy cheek on mine like i did last night every night. i want to be with him every time he gets too drunk (which isn't often at all) so i can laugh with him. i won't make faces behind his back when he does something bizarre...that's part of why i love him so.

when we were saying goodbye lastnight, on our third hug i said i love you. and he said it back. then he hugged me again. tightly.

i cried in the backseat of the cab all the way home.

Posted at 5:10 p.m. [last / next]