2003-05-27

remind me who i am and where i want to go
i'm bored out of my fucking box. i have nothing to do anymore. i have no energy to workout. and i hate working out at home anyway. i need money so i can get a gym membership. fuuuuuuck. i'm so frustrated with my stupid life. i can't get a job because i hate everything. FUCK. and i thought will was going to let me borrow his sega today and he didn't bring it over this morning. and it really pissed me off that he didn't. beacuse i need something not real to distract me from my angst. everything is stupid and i'm feeling angry. and stupid because i have no reason to be. i realized lastnight that i have a major chip on my shoulder. and i don't know how it got there.

i can't take full responsibility for everyone elses actions and decisions. which is what i've been doing a lot of lately. which has made me super tense and angry bubbley inside. a knot of rage at myself for trying to run everyone's lives. i hate what i'm doing and how i'm thinking about my life and myself. i want to call ashley tonight because i haven't called him for a loooong time now. i think it's maybe been almost a month actually. ian should be gone by now too. hm. and why am i crying? i dreampt of mark d last night. i was over at adam's house and i ran upstairs and mark was leaning against a wall and i said his name and he said mine and he hugged me. and he looked like how i bet he looks now too. it was so weird because why the hell would i dream about him?! odd.

Posted at 12:34 p.m. [last / next]