2003-05-07

un gruppu di chiantu
i've decided what i need to do. because even though just two weeks ago i decided i could not go back to school anytime soon, i've realized that i have no real education. and that even though there are things i want to do like massage therapy and pyschology, i didn't plan on doing those things until i got older and had established the rest of my life. but the only problem with that is how the hell am i going to establish myself working at some half assed job? i am going to still dance and stay with em and lysa with the company, but i need to also be working towards some sort of real something. and so i've decided that i'm going to go into massage therapy in the fall. and i'm getting really really excited about it. i only decided this last night while i was in bed but it feels right. like it's what i'm meant to be doing right now. which is so weird becuase i felt like this is something that i shouldn't be doing now, only now that i think about it it feels right. and it won't be a full time classroom thing either, more of a part time if even that kind of deal. weeeeeee!

things are feeling different lately too. i've been feeling so bad the last few days. extreamly tired even though i've been sleeping really well, and doing nothing during the day other than cleaning up the house and doing chores and stuff because i don't actually have a job yet. and i've been super super cranky. without specific reasons either. i'll be fine and then i can feel it coming on and i'll just start talking and my voice will have a nasty ass tone to it. maybe it's all the snow we've had. it's just added to my spring time depression. which is such an interesting side of me i think. i get depressed too. i think the three of us sisters all do. every spring i do. in high school i used to skip class and not even leave. i would just go and sit in the library and read poetry books in the far corner and write on the wall and door and table. all afternoon sometimes. other times i'd sit on the window ledges in the black tile room and write. spring seems like a strange time to me to get depressed. because everything is starting to grow again and the sky is blue and warm. but something about it makes me crazy. mostly when i'm in school.plus,i'm really low in iron these days, more than i have been i think in a long time. plus i'm bleeding. so. i mean really i should just go to bed right?

oh and kate's birthday is this week and i'm going to her party at the backroom on friday. and i'm so excited!! all the old kids will be around like scott and ben and rat-face. and maybe even adam...

feeling better now, thanks.

and ps to sis. would you do me a favour?! could you get out the two pablo neruda books out from vic for me please? i just realized i miss reading those in the spring. and if you can find it,a walt whitman book. it's short and fat. and there's a picture of him on the front of it. that one is in the poetry section in the back corner. and the neruda books are on the right side of the library on the inside side of the last shelf by the desk. haha. you don't need to say it. i'm the coolest kid you know.i love you sis.

Posted at 10:52 p.m. [last / next]