2003-03-25

i'm hauted by my illicit explicit dreams
fuck school. i'm so done. i love the classes i just cannot handle the assignments. i just don't want to do them. i feel like i have so many restrictions on me that nothing turns out how i want it. and i'm always rushed. any deadline to me makes me feel rushed. no matter what. and i think i have a broken toe or something...i don't know what is wrong but i know that something is. but i don't want to go to the doctor because she'll just tell me to take a break from dancing and i can't do that now. i just can't. so i don't know what to do. i don't want any of my instructors to know about it because they'll lecture me and i can't handle that now. so it looks like i'll be faking everything on my right foot for the next three weeks...

i was thinking about ashley this morning. trying to remember the last time i saw him and what the situation was with us. and then i remembered. the last time i saw him we were at the last ian party before his parents came back from greece. we were out in the field behind his house playing frisbee. and ashley was chewing tabacco. and eddie e said "dude what the hell are you doing?! that's disgusting!!!" that was the night of eddie's sayings. he also said "pink at night, sailors delight. pink in the morn, sailors warned". that was the night i finally accepted that there is more to that kid than i had thought.

but yeah. ashley and the tabacco thing. i hope he doesn't do it still. it's so disgusting and weird. and stupid. bleh.

Posted at 9:01 p.m. [last / next]