2003-03-16

your revolution will not happen between these thighs
oh my god. i'm mostly fine. except for the spinning. but i'm ok as long as i don't turn around a lot...yah rehearsal was really great...

talked with mum for a long time today. she finds what happened to me last night funny. she thinks that the girls were pissed off that ben kept coming over to talk to me and ignored them. haha. good. i'm glad they were so bothered by my presense. i'm glad that they said what they did to me because obviously they havent got a clue. and i'm glad i was there last night. i had the most fun i've had in an incredibly long time. i didn't have to fake anything. i didn't have to pretend emotions at any point in the night. i was happy to see ben and ian. so we hugged a few times. i wasn't happy to see the girls so i ignored them. and even though i've felt like crying all day, it isn't because they've made me feel bad. it's because i've realized that i have started living differently. i fight what isn't right. i stand up for myself. and i'm proud. i hope they heard me laughing when they said that i am a lesbian. and i hope that ben gets some strength of character and stops being such a tool. he shouldn't still be hanging out with people he apologises for all the time. but i suppose that is his obstacle, not mine...

i've been having to fight everything these days. every aspect in my life has me fighting for respect. i had to defend my right to wear what i want to in ballet class infront of everyone. i have to fight my instructor for compostion every week for the right to work on my project how and when i want to, not according to his schedule or his way of working. the newest struggle is fighting my right to have a proper costume for a show i'm in. as of today, i'm expected to wear a small white nylon bodysuit. which is see through. of course i'm allowed to wear a bra underneath but seriously, i won't do it. i want a new non see through bodysuit and if they don't comply, i will quit the piece. i have no problem doing that.

so.

yeah.

everything.

Posted at 3:53 p.m. [last / next]